The hell of Moving.......

so, I know that I live in a rental loft, but it is my loft. My lovely loft. Right in downtown Toronto. 5 minutes to the movie theater, 5 minutes to CHapters, I can see the Shopper's Drugmart on the corner. great restaurants, bars, stores, you name it. I really do love it here.

So I am renting. I know that I am 30 years old and I don't own a peice of property to my name, let alone my condo, and I should own it, but I don't. ANyway the Singaporian owner had not contacted me and the 60 day time limit came and went and I found out on Monday that I have to move. He is selling my loft.

Did I mention, I love my loft! I am sad. Not only do I love my loft, but I hate moving. For the love of god, I just want it too be over...........

Questions of Faith

I have recently been questioning my faith in a big way. How is it possible that if there is a higher power managing the human race, that children and infants can get horrible diseases and die??? I have recently heard of a family that I know that has three children, 6, 4 and 6 months old. The 6 month old went into the hospital a few weeks ago and his whold body is riddled in cancerous tumors. How is this just??? What part of unfair does this not describe??? I just don't know. The baby is now in paliative care and will die any day now. The parents and family are in shock. How does this happen? Why does it happen to the most innocent? I just don't know.

A fish called Wanda!!!

Meet Wanda, my fantastic new fish!! Not only a fish, but a new roommate. Here are the first 2 pics of Wanda. I have some more, but they won't upload. Damn computer. She is named after my Babsha (grandmother, in Polish) and is very cute.

The big 3-0 list #3

Here goes my ongoing list of things to do before I am 30:

8. Have established a financial plan to get out of debt and clean up my credit.

9. Establish a better relationship with my parents and sisters

10. Make more of an effort with my friends

11. Stopping taking things so seriously and personally

12. loose weight and get in shape

It has been a long time........

So, I have been away from my little blog for quite a while - 3 weeks to be exact!! I can't believe it! Anyway it has been an interesting 3 weeks. I went o Florida for a weekend with a good girlfriend and we had a blast. What a nice treat to escape the cold Toronto and head down to the florida sun. It was not super warm, but it was nice to see the sun and sit by the pool.

I saw my grandfather and his new wife (it has been 25 years nearly that they have been married, but she is and always will be the new wife!). Anyway, it was weird being in there house as I have so many memories of the house with my Grandmother when I was little. It was shocking to be back their! Nothing has changed! Anyway it was nice. She bougt me a fabulous new Gucci handbag, which was a shock and a half. She has never spent any money on me!! As my mother says it is not like they couldn't afford to spent the money, they just don't. The bag is sooooo cute. $1095 US which is quite a pretty penny. Anyway it is stunning.

I wish I was back there it is bleeping cold here and windy/stormy here. The ides of March, I guess.......

My mantra

On my front door I have posted the following which was written by a Sesame Street writer, Jeff Moss.

On the Other Side of the Door By Jeff Moss

On the other side of the door
I can be a different me
As smart and as brave and as funny and strong
As a person could want to be
There's nothing too hard for me to do,
There's no place I can't explore
Because everything can happen on the other side of the door
On the other side of the door
I don't have to go alone
If you come, too, we can sail tall ships
and fly where the wind has flown
And wherever we go, it is almost sure
We'll find what we're looking for
Because everything can happen
On the other side of the door.

Not a bad way to aspire to live!

The rare pink Fenner

Shitty news today about a camper that I used to adore. I found out that his cancer is back. this poor kid is 8 years old, has downs syndrome and has cancer. It is just not fair. At times like this I wonder if there is a higher power and what the f+++ are they doing???? Honestly. People wonder why their faith is tested. It is at times like this. I am just so sad.

some people......

In an effort to be politically correct, a friend of mine has been so incredibly incorrect. The e-mail recently sent after her 30th birthday party read:

"Hi there-

I have written all the thank-you notes from some lovely presents at my b-day party… but there were 2 bottles that did not have cards- I would like to thank you properly! Could you please let me know if you brought the bottle of
1) Reserve, Perrin Cotes Du Rhone
2) Coonwarra

Then I can write you a proper thank-you note!
Thanks-"

Abosluntely appaulling. I thought like claiming both gifts as mine, as she had specifically asked for no gifts. Way to make me feel bad for abiding by her wishes.

Unbelievable.

My favorite desert - Petit Fours from Patachou in Toronto. Ordered for a baby shower!!!! 

A beautiful shower cake that I had made for a baby shower. Full of butter and cream with fresh organic, edible flowers on top! So good! 

turning 30

At the time that I feel that my life is slightly out of control, I am alerted to the fact that in 141 days I turn 30. I am not scared, frightened, etc. that other people my age feel, but I do feel that I am not together enough to turn 30. Some other as enlightened bloggers, like me feel the same way. Some of my favorites are:

http://www.blacktable.com/ajbirthday.htm "Ten things to excpect after you turn 30" Depressing but I sense true

http://www.handbag.com/relationships/yourlife/turning30/ "A survivors guide to turning 30" - I'll have to revisit the must do list before the day of the birth

Here are two, there will be more.
P.

Hearts from www.breakupgirl.net

Anti v-day pics

does this sum it up or what?

Financial Hell

Well yes, I am in debt. It sucks and I can't get out. I have a credit card debt that I don't even want to talk about ($9000 if you must know) and I can't do anything to make it better. I am trying. I feel like I am sinking and can't get out. How did I end up like this?

• I like to shop, but have not done so, since the early fall. Not even a new pair of underwear. Ok, I did buy one swimsuit bottoms before I went away for christmas, but that is it.
• I moved, which cost me a fortune more than I thought it would September 2005($2000, I think)
• I had a tooth issue in spring 2005 ($4000)
• I had to pay two months of rent at once in September 2005 ($2500)
• I have upped my RRSP contribution to 6% of my gross pay because of a new matching program that my firm has. I know that this is a good thing, but f+++, It hurts every 2 weeks
• I am donating $1800 a year to a charity of my choice (good will yes, a burden currently, yes)
• I have fixed costs of close to, if not over 2/3 of my net pay every month even before I pay my gas ect.

What I am doing about it?

• no dry cleaning
• no extended cable
• very little eating out - which is hard, as this is how I socialize
• no cabs - walk, subway or drive
• no extra curricular fun that costs money
• no fun

The bottom line is that I am going to have to ask my dad for a loan. How much, I am not sure, maybe $1000. I am going on holidays to Florida with my friend Rosie and I just had my Florida fund eaten by a rent cheque that I didn't realize had not gone through in October. F+++!!!! I am so stressed out that I am not sleeping. I wish I was not eating, but no such luck. Anyway I have to do it this week and it is freaking me out. I have never asked to borrow money before. Not so fun. Wish me luck, oh little blog of mine. I need it.

Princess

Valentine's Day rant

I hate valentine's day! Yes, pink is my favorite colour, but on a day like yesterday, it makes me want to vomit! I hate it.

It is like someone invented the holiday to make all of those of us who are single to feel badly for ourselves and guilty that we do not have anyone. Do we not already feel that when we see happy couples walking down the street, families playing in the park, babies in busboy's strolling down the sidewalk with yummy mummies????

I just don't get it. As my father once said to my mother " Why do I need to be told when I should tell you that I love you? Everyday should be Valentine's Day!" He is a long standing Anti-Valentine's Day activist. It gives me hope that even though he has been in a relationship and marriage for my mother for over 30 years, he is still not a fan of the big V-Day. I was worried that as I approached my 30s maybe I was becoming single bitter girl. Not a pleasant person to be and someone that I never want to be.

And just to make it perfectly clear - I do not want to go to a "Singles Mingle", "An-anti-valentines day party", or a girls night out, so that I can pretend to say, essencially F+++ you to the happy couples out there. Would it not be feeding the hallmark frenzy of Valentine's day by participating????

I happily had a migraine, so I went home early, had a nap, woke up, worked for a few hours, watched some tv and went to bed at 1am. A perfectly normal night for me, and rather enjoyable if I do say so myself!

P